Eat People by Andy Kessler

Author:Andy Kessler
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group USA, Inc.
Published: 2011-01-18T16:00:00+00:00

I WASN’T SURE WHERE to put marketers. Let’s call them Super Sloppers. You know the type. They take a $5 sneaker, put Michael Jordan’s name on it, run expensive commercials, and then turn around and sell it for $150. Quite the parlor trick. Marketing and branding create value out of nothing. It’s all in your mind. They’re playing with your psyche.

I’m as guilty as everyone else for falling for this scam, and I feel like a moron whenever I overpay for something, from cars to T-shirts to watches. There is no economic value, no productivity, gained from a shirt sporting an Adidas logo, which I just noticed I’m wearing right now. What a moron I am! I pay them to be a walking billboard for them.

A $10 digital Casio watch, let alone the clock on your cell phone synced with an atomic clock, keeps better time than a Patek Philippe wind-up with fourteen jewels, whatever jewels have to do with keeping time.

Super Sloppers aren’t moving stuff from one side of a warehouse to another—more like moving stuff from the generic side of your mind to the “luxurious, won’t people think I’m awesome, we descended from peacocks” side of the brain.

A Burberry scarf. Oakley sunglasses. Jimmy Choo shoes. The markups on these things are amazing. If people want to pay, that’s their deal. But this stuff is not real wealth, just the impression of wealth, perceived wealth. Or better, the spoils of wealth.

Organic food is a wonderful Super Slopper invention. It uses fewer chemicals, so it should cost less, right? Not a chance. Better for your health? Doubtful. Better for the environment? Maybe, but at what cost to consumers? How much are you paying for the value of organic food, or is it just a perceived value because you “feel” better? I love walking through Whole Foods and asking where the free-range strawberries are. Look, I don’t care if you spend the money on this stuff—just realize that you’re the sucker, not me, except when it comes to Adidas shirts! Same with fashion. I’m not suggesting we should all dress in Maoist shirts with too-long sleeves, but don’t try to convince me that what the wealthy buy has anything to do with creating wealth.

Much of the eco-enviro movement is Super Slopping. And of course, hybrid cars. The Toyota Prius is an expensive status symbol that says you care about the planet, with a price tag a good 30 percent more than a regular car with similar gas mileage.

I asked (satirist) P. J. O’Rourke if he would ever drive a Prius.

“No,” he said a little too quickly and the laughed. “I wouldn’t, though not that there is anything wrong with an electric car or hybrid. Teslas are a hot dog of a car. Hybrid is an interesting technology, big locomotives dragging giant freight trains are just hybrids. No, I don’t mind the technology, what I mind is the smugness. Prius is a smug mobile. ‘Oh, I am smug, I am saving the planet, I’m so good.

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